21st May
I didn’t sleep the night before last. Well, that’s a lie. I did actually sleep. For four hours.
Now I don’t usually have trouble with sleeping; in an annoying explicitly counterproductive way, occasionally, when I’m stressed I’ll wake part way through the night and that’ll be it.
It’s funny, sleep never eludes me when I first go to bed, it’s only when I wake midway through the night that I can’t get back. As many of you know, I can fall asleep quite easily in a vast array of situations: on sofas, in cars, on boats, on garden furniture during a ‘wig party’ where my companions decided to hack my facebook and tell my little world of friends that I was in a relationship with Yanni, the famous long haired impressively mustached pianist; on a leather bench in the VIP area of Funky Budda in Mayfair for two hours; on beaches, planes, some tables, on my desk… the list continues. But bloody well wake up during the night, stupidly check the time and I’m done. That’s it: I’m awake.
That’s as it was the night before last. I woke at two, rose at three, made Marmite on toast, had a cup of tea and read my book – there was nothing else for it other than toss and turn gradually increasing in temper until sunrise. So now it comes to the resulting contemplative state where I must establish what it was that worried me enough to wake me and keep me awake for such a frustratingly long period.
I think it started with apples.
Apparently, according to social media, there lives a magic apple that lasted four months after harvesting and still looked fresh due to the chemicals it had been plied with. Now while these apples might not render one comatose or overtly, noticeably sick, they surely can’t be good for us. Then I think about all the other foods that are chemically enhanced and I realise that here is something that has so far made me feel a little unsure of China. Basically, is anything actually real? Or if it is in fact real, is it made to last? I question the integrity of the vegetables, the meat, animals, blenders, alcohol… and it genuinely disturbs me. It’s not just about what is going on in my body when I eat that stuff but also what is going on in the factories where mini poodles are bred and churned out, each a replica to the previous curly haired frothy doggy.
Am I too harsh on China? Am I overreacting? I fear not but question how people who kick up a florescent bunch of feathers every morning to improve reaction times, or lunge down the street walloping their own shoulders to improve circulation; who swing their arms back and forth while breathing in through the nose and out through the mouth so deeply, will eat ‘fake’ and potentially dangerous food while absentmindedly stroking their candyfloss dog having just arrived home after jumping from work shouting ‘huh’ every three leaps. It seems a contradiction, does it not?
Meditating on these and other minor niggles was becoming far too exhausting so I skipped out of work early (tired) and headed to a market where I could look at things all the more authentic, more antique, more real, to reassure myself that I am not living in a science fiction movie. The genuine fossils, fake photographs, ever-so-well preserved antique glasses put me in a much better mood and when the ancient stall holder my friend and I were communicating with flashed a mono-toothed smile and naughty wink at us, I realised that while their products might not all be real, the lives & livelihood; that vest and those cataracts certainly were.
My trip to the market reassured me that not everything is designed for ease, convenience and low cost living. I incidentally insulted a stall holder to such an extent that he refused to sell me the emerald green tin that I wanted – couldn’t believe it!
We rode from the market to the restaurant on the back of a tuctuc – pure delightful pleasure! Full on traffic synchronicity came in to play and while my newly purchased tin drinks canteen and metal biscuit tin clanged and klonked in our raised plastic bags, we zoomed through the traffic, cut corners and narrowly avoided buses, a Rolls Royce (although we cheerily waved into the car as we drove through the street outside Louis Viton), people and other cyclists. We said Ni Hao to the people at traffic lights and grinned stupidly while clenching and wincing at the potential collisions ahead!
It got the adrenaline going and the cobwebs blew away. It was time for a glass of wine and a steak. I just hope it’s not robot cow, mutant potatoes and dyed antifreeze for dinner. I may end up returning with an extra ear or super intelligence (that’d be nice) if I keep going like this! Also I may not last that long – I missed ballet class to write this blog so I get to say hi before my holiday. The ballet teacher is very strict so if the apples, robot beef and antifreeze don’t kill me, he might – see how much I love you!
Oh, final note, I’m off to Vietnam tomorrow. Panic not if you do not hear from me, I am not sure what the internet situation will be. Oh dear, what stories there are likely to be when I return. I’m donning a backpac for the first time in about 15 years so anything could happen… I’m thinking tattoos, campfire singalongs, hippie headbands… ooh the possibilities!
She went to Shanghai 