5th June 2015
A three day detoxifying, cleansing and hopefully weight-loss inspiring juice diet has left me 4lb lighter and so pure that I’m sure I glow. It’s so expensive that I doubt very much whether I’ll be able to eat anything else this month thereby ensuring a maintained positive outcome, a somewhat missed marketing opportunity perhaps? While I’m not likely to slip through drain gratings any time soon, it has been most encouraging to find that I have not wanted to rip anyone’s head off through hunger tempers and I am cleansed and pure – simple mathematics allowing me to work out that far too often this is not the case.
I’m glad that I had this most structured plan to focus on my return from Vietnam; I suffered the most dreadful post-holiday blues. They descended on the homeward bound flight when I realised it was a little too early for a glass of red wine and the imminent jobs, work, to-do list solidified and became tangible rather than remaining as smokey vague ideas that occasionally drifted into my head during this most adventurous of holidays. I gave up and went to sleep. Then as we disembarked, queued and emerged into the battlefield of Pudong arrivals hall, shoulders slumped and my companion received little more than snuffles and grunts from there on in.
All was not lost, however! Apparently, all I needed was to see a lone bicycle loaded with approximately 60 chairs and I’d be reassured that I was in the right place for now. It’s difficult to leave your house in China without seeing something that will stop you in your tracks and question either your eye sight or your grasp on reality.
Vietnam:
My thighs were wrapped around a Vietnamese motorcycle guide a little shorter than me; my helmet comfortably perched atop my cap. I balanced through will power and the fortunately positioned lean-to motor cycle seat. We followed a lady with caged chickens strapped to the back of her bike and I was followed by my travelling companion and the man who had only ten minutes ago asked her to marry him. Evidently, the health and safety demonstration and pep talk about the tour was to involve a helmet deftly plonked on your head, a shake of the hands; a name exchange then a marriage proposal. Unfortunately the chicken transporter was too slow for our easy riders so we zoomed of to the first of our temple visits through a dust filled cloud and a crush of gravel, leaving the chickens happily and perhaps naively clucking to their destination.
Our motorcycle tour of Hue commenced, the slightly warm breeze offering a brief respite from the heat that was already fairly intense. One photo request and surprising grope (I was quite flummoxed when she said ‘beautiful’, gave me a massive hug and allowed her hand to linger a little two long around my chest) later, we were wondering around a most beautiful, almost gothic style temple, happily situated high in the hills and opposite a huge white figure in the forests across the valley. Black stone and sharp edged shadows contrasting a brilliant carpet of vivid green broken only by the glowing white figure of Jesus (at least I thought it was Jesus – I was later told it was Mary). Striking! Occasionally my mind was allowed to wander to hundreds, thousands of years ago when grand rulers and their colourful concubines would survey these hills…my mind wondered to royal ceremony and formality although this briefly lived snippet would soon burst at the excited giggle of the teenage girl or hack of an aged man, the shove for prime photograph position or the unruly selfie stick refocusing your faraway gaze.
Our guides whisked us away for lunch. Four local spring rolls, a bowl full of noodles and a beer costing a total of 3gbp for four people was by far the best food we had eaten in Vietnam so far. Then thirty six temples and bucket loads of sweat later we were deposited back to our hotel to a hearty, toothy ‘welcome’ by the doorman; my Steve McQueen rode off into the 2.30pm afternoon haze. What an amazing day!
On another day, I sat at a fully dressed table next to an impressively well-stocked wine cellar, in a proper wooden, cushioned chair, wide eyed astonishment revealing how the ‘cruise’ which I’d happily expected to be an open roof, open deck, thin dirty mattress affair was in fact a mini Titanic! It was not to be a night under the stars only inches above the water: dark wooden floors and walls were to form the base of our cabin (CABIN!) while pristine white sheets and duvets promised a comfortable, potentially long and worthy sleep. There was air conditioning! A bathroom! Even a small tray containing complimentary water and a glass. This was amazing and a long way from the dhow trip I’d imagined and packed for. Shit! Panic began to ebb closer as I realised I’d packed a hoodie, shorts and pjs: completely inappropriate clothing for a classy cruise dinner. This failing on my part and subsequent mental self flagellation punctuated a mini trip to the beach on the dingy although was really quite short lived. On our return traditional Vietnamese costumes had been placed at the foot of each of our beds – we were saved! I was to be the king and my companion, the queen. That’s the way I saw it anyway and what a way to solve the wa
rdrobe issue – this was becoming dangerously close to being perfect: we ordered Prosecco and sat on the deck in the sunshine passing huge guardian rocks on our way to Hao Long Bay and what promised to be one of the worlds most impressive natural caves.
Vietnam is amazing and I’ve only just scratched the surface. The people are friendly, warm and accepting; the food better when it’s cheap and local; the cities/towns varied and exciting. I would go back there in a heartbeat and fully intend to – there’s still so much to see. There is much more to write, too, but I really have to go and anyway if I told you about the overnight train and cards on the bottom deck; of rum cocktails, friendly Australians, flying cockroaches, gorgeous breakfasts and cut-out cards, I would have nothing to tell you when I get home in THREE WEEKS! I can’t wait.
Incidentally, if anyone needs a house sitter when they’re on their holidays this summer or indeed has a spare room they were willing to let out at a pittance if I promised to cook them a good meal now and again, do please let me know. I’ll be a poorer but happier version of me when I come back this time but I absolutely cannot wait to see all your gorgeous faces.
She went to Shanghai 